Lola – 3 months

You are three months today.

I hope I am always honest with you. So, I will be honest with you now, too. I took you to the hospital the other day. I said to the Doctor “I just can’t take it anymore.” I feel like a bad mum in saying that, but I know I’m a good mum because I have the courage to admit that. I had to get out of the house with you that night. I needed someone else to see how you scream. How in pain you are. I can’t take it anymore because you are hurting and I can’t fix it.

We’ve been to the doctor for you twice now. Your GP hasn’t done a thing to help. Actually, I lie. He printed out an information sheet on reflux in bottle fed babies for you.

Just because you scream and cry all the time doesn’t mean I don’t love you. I do. When you are not screaming you have a smile like the sunrise. It is breathtaking. You have started burbling and I think you have been trying to giggle. You talk to yourself mostly in a mirror. You love watching your big brother and playing Fallout with your daddy.

I love you baby. I’m sorry I haven’t gotten you all fixed up yet, but I’m working on it.

Love Mummy.

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14 thoughts on “Lola – 3 months

  1. Having gone through colic for just 4 weeks, I can’t imagine how people do it for longer. Not knowing when it will get better is the worst part I think. I assume you’ve tried everything but here’s what I tried: elimination diet, block feeding, infacol, infants friend, reflux medication and after all of that I think she might have just grown out of it. I hear good things about baby chiro though.

    • What’s block feeding?
      I have to take her to the drs next week to get her hips checked and I’m going to ask about medication then. I just want to enjoy my little girl as much as I should be

  2. You’re a great mum. Admitting it’s hard is no easy thing. But it is hard. Silent reflux is anything but silent, all that crying snd screaming, it wears you out. Take heart, you’re not alone.

  3. Block feeding worked for me too, I had a case of over supply and it worked really well for that and settling bub’s tummy. Basically block feeding is feeding on the same side for a set amount of time, despite number of feeds in that period it was always back to same side (when I remembered which side it was supposed to be anyway), 4 hourly for us. It’s the opposite of switch feeding used to increase supply.

    So hard seeing our little ones in pain, I hope you get it sorted, or she grows out of it soon.

    • How long did you feed on a certain side for? I’ll definitely look into it although she let me have 8 hours sleep last night (with 2 feeds in there) which is amazing!

  4. You are doing a great job. Admitting that it’s hard proves it. I hope things improve for you soon and you can get back to enjoying your little girl.

  5. What a gorgeous, honest post. Being a new mom is so hard and being a new mom to a baby with colic is really, really hard. My daughter was colicky for only a few weeks and I remember just balling my eyes out and being beside myself. I wish I could say more than hang in there, it will get better. Lean on your community, whomever and wherever they may be. Keep talking, you’ll be okay. You have a gorgeous daughter and I just *loved* the header shot on your old blog, with the whole family. That is just beautiful. x

    • Thank you so much for your comment. I’ve actually just brought my old header over, but it doesn’t quit fit. Poor tattoodaddy and Lola are a little chopped out of it, but it means they get to be there =]

  6. JESS YOU MADE ME CRY! You have a powerful writing style and I really felt your anguish over little Lola’s pain. I love the image of Dex and dad playing Fallout!

    What a determined expression she has on her little face in the photo too!

    I miss your little family, I hope we can come visit soon
    Lauren

  7. Dear Jess,
    I have been reading your blog today and send you lots of great big hugs & kisses from us all.
    You are never alone when you have family & friends who care for you.

    It will all be worht it in the end & things will settle down. 🙂

    Babies grow and make it all worthwhile, Colic also goes, thankfully a bit quicker.

    I found if I put a warm bean bag on the girls tummies when they had colic, it helped. Just no too hot.

    Love Aunty Max

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