How to keep my business.

Seriously, if you don't listen to my mum, you'll never get to see how cute I am

Dear businesses,

I recognise that a lot of businesses are struggling at the moment, especially the small businesses. So, I’m going to give you a couple of hints – because you know, I’m a nice person and all.

  1. Have free babycinos if I buy a coffee. Seriously? Just add 25 mls more milk to the milk you’re frothing for me any way. It will make me come back Every.Single.Time. Why? because it means my child will be entertained with his hot milk for 10 minutes longer than he normally would, so I’m able to enjoy my coffee for a little bit longer.
  2. Have a healthy child option. Even if it’s just a ham and cheese sandwich. Because if I go somewhere for lunch and all my son can have is “chicken doubles” I’m probably not going to come back, because I don’t want a child double the size he is.
  3. Bring the kids meal out a.s.a.p. Seriously. I don’t want to hear my child screaming for his food. No one else wants to hear it either. Make (and keep) everyone happy by feeding the children.
  4. The customer service. That’s what will keep you open. If I come in two weeks in a row, act like you recognise me. It will make me feel good. It will also (subconsciously) tie me to you. I will feel guilty to walk past your cafe if I know you’re smiling genuinely at me.
  5. If you have a clothing shop – talk to me. Don’t look me over because I have a child and ignore mw. You should be paying more attention to me. If I’m risking walking into a store with a child, chances are I’m determined to buy something.
  6. Throw me a compliment. I’m probably feeling like shit from having no sleep, you telling me you like my hair or my shoes or whatever other item isn’t covered in baby vomit will make me come in every time I go into town. Because people are vain and like hearing about themselves. Plus, as above, it will tie me to you and make me keep coming in. The more I’m in your store the more stuff I buy.
  7. Talk to my child.Ask him how he’s doing. If he’s having fun. I’m more likely to feel comfortable, relax and therefore spend money in your store if you’re not looking down your nose wondering when he’s going to drop crumbs on your floor (because chances are he’s already dropped the crumbs, you may as well get a sale out of it)
  8. Recognise what I need. It’s not that I don’t know what I want. But if I’m wearing black skinny jeans a shirt with a zombie on it and some black boots, don’t pick up “this season’s hottest flower mini skirt is like so totally cute” It’s not me. It won’t ever be me. And I won’t ever walk back into your shop.

DO you have any ideas? Any tips to the businesses?

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7 thoughts on “How to keep my business.

  1. “because chances are he’s already dropped the crumbs”
    This is why I love you Jess!
    You would hate the customer service in Canberra, even after I have selected the item I want to purchase and have walked up to the counter I have had to wait / tap the counter / call out to the shop assistant / stare at the shop assistants talking in numerous stores! Sports girl and Lincraft are the worst offenders.

  2. Honey, you seriously need to send this to the paper in the ‘Have a say Column” . There are so many places that need to see this and whilst I laughed it is so true.
    I so love the way you write.
    love mum

  3. so true its funny in more ways than one! and i agree with the above comment businesses need to see this blog about them.. maybe someone will take initiative and “DO” something!!
    x

  4. I Used to speak tothechildren when people came in browsing. But one day, this couple flogged their child for speaking to me. It was horrific. I know you need to teach kids stranger danger but this was over the top.

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