My Dream Children

 

 

I dream of children. Twins.

They are not ours right now. They are still waiting. Waiting for the right time to come to us. The kids are a bit older. Dex is in that awkward preteen age. Lola is in school.

They are fraternal twins. A boy and a girl.

Something happens.

They are born between 28 – 32 weeks.

They are tiny. So tiny.

They tell me she is a fighter.She is doing well.

We call her Augie.

In my dreams, we have never given our little boy a name.

Maybe, he doesn’t have one yet.

When we get to take her home, he is not ready to come home. He is still fighting.

But he is still alive.

He is still ours too.

I’m not sure if we get to ever bring him home. I have never dreamt any more than this. Sometimes, I dream snippets of kangaroo care cuddles. Of first feeds. Of tiny hands through humidicrib windows. I dream of being unsure. Of being restless.

I’m not sure when these babies will be given to us.

I’m not sure that they will ever be given to us. Maybe they are not ours in this lifetime.

Maybe, when the gods or the goddess’ or the earth decides we are ready, they will come.

Maybe when our babies decide they are ready, they will come. Because really, no one is ever ready for the change a child brings.

 

I understand a lot of people might find this hard to take.

A dream of babies? Means nothing.

But it does to me. I know in my heart of hearts, they are ours.

I can feel them. How they are meant to be inside of me.

I feel them waiting.

I will feel them in my arms, one day.

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9 thoughts on “My Dream Children

      • To be honest Jess I think it’s refreshing. Whilst I haven’t quite had the intense experience you’ve had, I’ve always had the feeling that someone is missing from our family still. We can’t really afford to have anymore children at the moment but it’s like there’s a big void still, like a child, our child, is waiting somewhere for us to beckon him (or her) into the world x.

  1. That’s beautiful. I have cheap and nasty dreams. Last week I had a dirty dream about Jimmy Giggle. That’s just wrong!!!! Your’s sounds much nicer.

  2. I always say I am done having Kids, but I keep having repetative dreams that we have another baby in a few years time, a baby that we name Chandler, I never know the gender of the baby, but the baby is born and the baby is raised by us…The dream feels so real, I can imagine the other two being older, Harlow starting School and in the same year, me falling pregnant…
    I Totally understand you on this Dream xox

  3. I have dreamsll like this, repetitive and so realistic. For me I often feel they are glimpses God gives me of possible futures, depending on the choices we make. Sometimes they’re so vivid

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