Top 10 Rules For Living in an Apartment Block

You’re lucky I limited myself to 10. Otherwise we would both be here all day.

  1. Do not leave your washing on the line for four days straight, especially since we only have one washing line in the whole building because Strata are being lazy and won’t get someone to repair the other one.
  2. Speaking of washing lines, please do not leave the pegs all over the floor, especially since they are MY expensive pegs strewn about, because your lazy teenage son broke all your cheap, shitty pegs when he just pulls the washing off the line instead of removing the pegs. Also, You have 3 towels, a teatowel, a sheet and a pair of undies on the ground, in the dirt UNDER the clothesline from when he couldn’t be bothered to use pegs at all. How do you not notice that missing? Pick it up. It’s starting to smell.
  3. Ok, I’m pretty nice about your designated car park being occupied by your motorbike so you park on the (joint property) grass area out the back. Old mate upstairs does it too. But when your girlfriend comes over, tell her to get the fuck out of my designated car spot. Seriously. Tell her to park on the grass next you you. Or better yet, out the front on the side of the road! Walking 50m won’t kill her. Tattoodaddy does it every day. TWICE.
  4. Get a bed that doesn’t squeak. Or at the very least, a can of WD-40. I mean, gratz on all the sex you’re having, but I don’t need to hear it. Literally.
  5. Don’t let your shit  head kids throw things off your balcony. It all ends up on my balcony and the place looks like shit.
  6. Stop bringing trolleys home! Buy a fucking bag on wheels if it’s seriously that hard to bring your groceries home. OR do your groceries when you go out in your car every day. I’m sick of trolleys out the back. If you absolutely have to do it, at least take them out onto the road so they can get collected.
  7. When you park someone in and say “Just let me know when you need to get out and I’ll move the car.” Move it. when they ask. Not 15 minutes later. We have somewhere to be.
  8. Please teach your children that it is rude to just walk into someone’s house. unannounced. And if they try to walk in and the door is locked (because they just walk in so much and my house can’t fit an extra 6 children) tell them continuously rattling the door handle saying “Can i come in, can I come in?!” is not conducive to their case. No, no you can’t.
  9. Don’t let your kids pee in the corner of the building under the clothesline. It fucking stinks.
  10. Don’t put your garbage in the green bin. Really? How hard is it to put rubbish in the right bin? All of the red bins were empty. Are you really that lazy you couldn’t walk the extra STEP to put it in the correct bin? And Now I’m the one who has to deal with council because the wrong rubbish is being put in the bin? Not to mention you NEVER put out the bins. It is always TD or Old Mate upstairs doing it. Seriously.

Congratulations, you have successfully completed my transformation into grumpy old woman. Thanks so much for your assistance in this area.

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7 thoughts on “Top 10 Rules For Living in an Apartment Block

  1. love it jess,i used to live in an appartment block when i first had the twins..boy it was ridiculous,i had washing go missing off the clothes line,music playing in the appartment across from me constantly and the young couple downstairs constantly arguing with their newborn in the unit.. once woke up to a jack hammer while the dude downstairs was having his bathroom renovated..thanks for the notice mate..the list goes on..mmmmm..i dont miss it at all,i feel for you and understand totally, great read xx

  2. I guess I was mostly lucky. The only drama I had was the people under me throwing parties of a thurs night, playing godawful cheesy 90s techno at 3am when I had to be up at 6.30-7am. But after seeing me at their door in my nightie with hair all ruffled and crazy eyes giving them death looks whilst ever so politely requesting they keep the noise to a minimum (as per their lease agreement) they appeared to understand the need some have for a good night sleep.
    That and the landlord evicted them soon after 🙂

  3. Argh! They sound horrid!!!

    I lived in a shared house once [years and years ago when I was a teenager]… which was also a half house. Old lady and middle aged son were in the other half. Husband, me and Husbands mate were in our half. We were HORRID to have as neighbours. I would have hated us totally!

    But as an adult I would be an awesome neighbour if I lived in a block of flats. That chick should be too, especially since she has kids!! I’d go over and politely tell her to pick her shit up, stop letting the kids pee like dogs and give her what week of the month it’s her turn to put the bins out!

  4. Pingback: Sort of Lying | tattoomummy

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