Love is a funny thing. It changes. Like the tides, it ebbs and flows.
When you first fall in love with someone, it is like a King Tide in your life. Covering everything, you are under water.
Feels like floating, everything is a bit easier and a bit harder at the same time. You feel a little detached.
Sort of murky.
You wonder if it will ever end but at the same time you don’t want it to. You love the softness of it all.
Something happens. You’re riddled with guilt about something that happened in a previous relationship. Everyone has their baggage.
King Tide goes out.
Suddenly everything is stark. Looks too bright and harsh. Not right. This isn’t right.
Slowly the tide comes back in. With words, lots of words. And time together.
Not as full this time. Calmer. You are able to swim instead of just treading water.
You do things together. Work for things.
You fall pregnant, have a baby. Have a second. Somewhere in that time you have built a break wall around your ocean so that it is calm, safe, still as possible for these little lives you are now harbouring.
The water becomes more steady. Occasional ebbs and flows but nothing as extreme as it was in the beginning.
It’s easy to forget the low tides and remember only the king highs. To not realise that behind the break wall is a lot nicer place to be. That it’s a lot easier to weather the storms that come your way when you’re tucked safe inside. When there are other ships in the waters to bunker down with.
Sometimes it’s easy to only remember the feeling of the king tide and wonder where that feeling went.
It’s easy to feel you’re not the captain of your own ship.
I could keep going with this metaphor but to be honest, this is about all I can handle.
I think that sometimes, we forget how good we have it because we are always encouraged by everything around us to do more, have more, be more. It’s easy to think this applies to our relationships too.
It’s easy to think that things would be easier to do without the burden of a relationship and children. Life would be so free. But what’s the point of being free to do things if there is no one to share those things with?
Love changes. It goes from an all consuming flame, destroying everything in it’s path to a constant smoulder that permeates into every aspect of your life, making you want to do you best in everything we do, even if it’s just cooking an amazing dinner.
And you know what? Sure, all consuming is exciting, but it’s not what makes you feel as if you are empty inside because the smouldering kind might be gone.