I am in a terrible fucking mood right now.
I am OVER everything
I am over being the only one to wake up to the kids every fucking night and every fucking morning.
I am over having to deal with “Where’s my Daddy?”
I am over having my heart broken every fucking time I hear that question.
I am over this stupid fucking mastitis that has me on I.V. antibiotics for 5 days and then onto oral antibiotics.
I am REALLY over the fact that this means I can’t go to Soundwave which I decided to treat myself after 3 years of stupidly self sacrificing.
I am over not knowing.
I am OVER not being able to hate someone because that would make it so much fucking easier. Instead, I am just sad. Sad for him, for me, for us. For our kids.
So, SO much fucking sad and I can’t tell anyone or do anything about it because I just have to be OK for the kids because if I’m not who will be?
And if I’m not Dex comes up to me and says “You’re a bit sad Mummy” and gives me a cuddle and my heart both melts and breaks a little bit more because a two year old shouldn’t have to comfort his mother.
I’m just over it.
I want my life back.
Obviously not the way it was because apparently that wasn’t working.
I just want it back for the chance to change it.
I’m so fucking over this physical pain.
I don’t know what else to say.