For Fuck Sake Friday. Over It Edition

I am in a terrible fucking mood right now.
I am OVER everything
I am over being the only one to wake up to the kids every fucking night and every fucking morning.
I am over having to deal with “Where’s my Daddy?”
I am over having my heart broken every fucking time I hear that question.
I am over this stupid fucking mastitis that has me on I.V. antibiotics for 5 days and then onto oral antibiotics.

I am REALLY over the fact that this means I can’t go to Soundwave which I decided to treat myself after 3 years of stupidly self sacrificing.

I am over not knowing.
I am OVER not being able to hate someone because that would make it so much fucking easier. Instead, I am just sad. Sad for him, for me, for us. For our kids.
So, SO much fucking sad and I can’t tell anyone or do anything about it because I just have to be OK for the kids because if I’m not who will be?
And if I’m not Dex comes up to me and says “You’re a bit sad Mummy” and gives me a cuddle and my heart both melts and breaks a little bit more because a two year old shouldn’t have to comfort his mother.

I’m just over it.
I want my life back.
Obviously not the way it was because apparently that wasn’t working.
I just want it back for the chance to change it.

I’m so fucking over this physical pain.

I don’t know what else to say.

Oh yeah.
FFS

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15 thoughts on “For Fuck Sake Friday. Over It Edition

  1. I am so sad for you. It is all so sad and fucking horrible.
    It does break the heart when kids ask tough questions like that 😦

    My thoughts are with you, you are one amazing woman xxx

  2. Sweetie, I’m sorry! I can relate to a point. It’s horrible trying be ok for your kids when you’re just not! The last thing you want is for them to see you sad, but you can’t stop crying! It’s ok to tell them that you’re sad. But also they need to know that you love them, it’s not their fault & that everything will be ok.
    PS: Everything actually WILL be ok…one day 🙂

  3. I’m so, so sorry. I get this. Down to a level I can’t even articulate. Being left to pick up the responsibilities of caring for and healing the children — physically, emotionally, all of it. Having to be strong in their presence…and never having an opportunity to not be in their presence. I don’t know what else to say, other than I get it and I’m just so sorry. xo

  4. Hey, you know I have been there & done that. I am in a much better place now. I just wnated to pick up & go but where? Your emotions will change. You will have hate, anger, sadness & sometimes all at once. After finding out about an affair ex had, I had to drive Pat to the train station. How we got there is beyond me. I just bawled my eyes out the whole way. I was so embarrassed also to do that infront of my kids but I had no other choice. Keep your friends around & cry & rant to them when you need to. The best thing they can do is to listen & ofter you a shoulder. I wish I could take some of your pain for you xxxx

    • There isn’t any ranting anymore. There isn’t really anything to rant about. Plus I figure negative brings negative so I will just think happy thoughts and all will be well… Right?

  5. Wow i know this all to well only just coming out of this exact situation 😦 it hurts so much when your kids see you sad and want to comfort you. hope all comes good soon x

  6. I’d like to share something a wise old woman once said to me, she said ‘darling, you have to love yourself’. Because I didn’t love myself I thought the answer was for me to change, to laugh like normal people laughed or to think like nomal people thought or to look like everybody else. Then I realised that I was OK they way I was and that I had to love myself the way I was. There’s only one person who had to change and that was me. So why do you call yourself ‘not the best’ or ‘like cheap chocolate’? That’s not you. That’s what people have told you about you, and now you believe them. Well, stop listening to them and start listen to your heart. Your true voice. Everyday you should say to yourself “i am perfect just the way i am”. Maybe you’ll have to ‘fake it til you make it’, but one day I hope you really do realise that you are perfect EXACTLY the way you are.

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