Is it called giving up if there is nothing to give up on?

I just don’t know anymore.
I feel like the reason that I have to move on with my life
Is the same reason that I am scared too.

What comes next?
Seriously, can anyone tell me?
What now?

Do people ever fall back in love with each other?
Is it possible to convince someone they were wrong?
You never fell out of love.

How long do I wait?
How long is long enough?
Is it just space and time?
Like everything… Just space and time?
Is there really space if we’re both still here?
Just still here because you want, or because there’s nowhere else to be?
I don’t want to be the last resort.

I don’t want to be out of guilt.
I don’t want to be out of obligation or duty.
I don’t want to be because you *should*
I want to be because of love.

Will I never not be “on guard” again?
Will I never worry that I’m going to get my heart broken again?
Why?

Where is it all going?
What is the point?

No, I don’t think I should be harder because why potentially drive someone away?
I don’t have the heart to be harder.
Is pretending to not feel anything a self coping mechanism?
Is it more damaging than beneficial?

It is all so close yet so, so far.
And all I want is to be wanted and loved.
I never thought it was more complicated than that.
Obviously I am naive.

Do you miss it?
What are you thinking?
Are you still awake too?
Does it hurt you too?
Are you really ok?
Say something other than ok. Please, just give me something.

Just cuddle me.
YOU reach out.
I don’t want to always be reaching.

This is why I can’t sleep at night.

These aren’t questions that I expect to have answered.
They are, however, questions that I need to let go of in order to hopefully get a full night sleep.

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3 thoughts on “Is it called giving up if there is nothing to give up on?

    • It is not always like this. Most of the time I am very content and happy.
      And I also don’t blame TD for me feeling like this, this is MY response to my situation so it is something I am responsible for and in control of, but thank you 🙂

  1. I understand completly. You want someone to be there for the right reason. If there is no love, there is no point. I tries al types of things to save my marriage. I changed my hair, lost weight, wore make up, tried the guilt trip (on him). Sadly, if one is not happy, no-one will be. No-one can tell you what will come next. After what I had been through, the last thing I wanted was another (fisher) man, another relationship. I wasn’t looking. I was just trying to “heal me & get through it” as best I could. I kept a lot to myself.

    One weekend, I was going away for a “scrapbooking weekend” with a group of women. It was the best thing for me. It was hard becasue they were having a great time scrapping pages of their families & husbands & my marriage had fallen apart & I knew it was over. It hurt so much. And I cried and cried and cried. I let a lot out that I had held back. It was easier to talk to these people who didn’t know me that well, even though some of these women I had known for about 5 years. A weekend away here & there to get together. They wanted me to move to Tamworth. They would help me find a job, a home, settle in.
    I went home a different person & with a whole new respect for these beautiful friends I had made. I knew it was time to stop fighting for my marriage & “move on”.

    As you know, I have a fantastic, loving, caring, supportive, positve person in my life & i have never been happier. I have no regrets. I have 2 beautiful children, a gorgeous daughter in law & 2 gorgeous grandkids.

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