It has come to the point where I have said “I can’t do this anymore.”
I know for my benefit and for my children, I need to put them into daycare full-time and start doing things for me.
Namely, I will be starting Uni in just under a month. I cannot wait.
I am so excited by this change.
This, doing something for me.
It is not their fault. It is not my fault.
I don’t love them any less.
I’m just starting to find myself again and although that self is obviously changed because I have two gorgeous little children now, that self also needs to do things for me.
I was constantly pushing myself to the back of the importance pile.
And I am also starting to think about the future.
Not just getting through the day-to-day, which I was for so long.
I want a job that I love.
I want to give my children all the things they deserve.
I have goals about real estate and debt and all those sorts of grown up things.
I want to do this now so I don’t need to worry about when they go to school, trying to re-enter the workforce and wondering what the hell I’m doing.
It isn’t common that people say “I’m not enjoying being a stay at home mum”.
We are expected to enjoy it. Be so thankful that we are lucky to spend every waking moment with our little ones.
And yes, we are to a degree.
But it is not stimulating. It is not (mentally) challenging further than *don’t lose your shit about reading the same book 20 frigging times in a row*
What I am *really* lucky for is that I will be able to have a flexible timetable so that I can take the kids to swimming, enjoy that precious time and then drop them at daycare so we both get the most of our days.
It will be wonderful to use my brain again.
To be learning again.
To meet new people again.
To have something else to stress about again.
and I’m not going to lie – to drink a hot cup of tea again.
Oh and speaking of new things:
I got my lip pierced again.
Because stupidly, I had told myself in my mind *Good mothers don’t have piercings.*
Which is complete bullshit. I might just get another. And dye my hair black, blue and pink.
And I will still be a great Mum.