My heart is beating irregularly. Not all the time. Only sometimes. Mostly in the evenings and when I go from sitting to standing quickly. What if something is wrong?
The doctor gave me a form to get tests done. What if they don’t find anything and it keeps going?
What if they do find something and it’s bad?
If it is, what about the kids? What would I do?
Maybe it’s just a zinc deficiency.
Should I take a zinc supplement? Should I wait until I have my tests in case that is the problem and then it doesn’t show anything on the tests?
Maybe it’s just that I’m really unfit and I need to excercise more.
But what if there is something wrong and that would aggravate it?
Maybe I’m just not eating healthy enough.
Maybe I’m not drinking enough water.
Tattoodaddy is living with me again and it is all going really well, but how do I know it’s not going to happen again?
He has even said “I love you” twice but the last time I said it he said “I know” what does that mean?
I made a mistake with Centrelink and now my assistance has been cut by more than half for the next three fortnights, will I cope?
When will my uni textbook list come?
Will I be able to afford it?
Will I get the JET assistance so the kids can go to daycare so I can go to uni?
Why is my lower back and front hurting so much?
Maybe I am just getting my period back, it’s been 23 months.
It’s been 23 months, should I go and get a pap smear to check nothing is wrong?
What if I go terribly at uni?
What if I don’t like it?
What if I fail and then I just have more hecs debt of classes I didn’t pass?
I want to get breast implants but what if I don’t like the way they feel?
I’ve heard that it feels like there is a weight on your chest for a few months, will I be able to deal with that because I am so conscious of my chest?
Is my heart really beating harder or is it just because I am so anxious about it that I notice it more?
Should I tell my doctor that my great aunt had an enlarged heart?
Is it even hereditary? What are the chances I would get it out of alllll of the people in my family and she’s not even immediate family?
Is it my chest that feels funny or am I just so worried about it because of my blood pressure that I stress about it a lot?
What if my blood pressure isn’t even that bad I just stress about it so much when I’m at the doctors that it goes up a little bit because of the stress?
It’s not even that high and I’m on medication, why do I worry so much?
What if all it is, is just anxiety?
If I go to my doctor with all these thoughts will he just think I’m crazy?
Am I just a hypochondriac?
I think these things every day. I have been given a script for anxiety medication before and I didn’t want to take it. I think (for me) it is just a bandaid for a bigger problem.
I need to find that bigger problem. I need to sort it out.
I need to also get up the courage to go and get my tests done.
Some days, it is just so hard to do anything because all these are weighing down on me.
I just want it gone.