The hardest part of relationships is knowing that you are sacrificing something.
Obviously, it is worth the sacrifice. If it wasn’t you wouldn’t do it.
You would move on, safe in the knowledge of the limits you’ll go to, to keep that particular hope or dream alive.
But when it is worth the sacrifice, it’s tough.
Even though you know you’d be missing out a thousand times over if you decided to leave the person you’re willing to make the sacrifice for, you still feel like you’re losing out, which is where I’m at now.
I love tattoodaddy.
I don’t want to spend my life with anyone else. And I have entertained the idea.
Especially on our “break”. It is easy to fantasize about new relationships when you’re alone at night.
But it always came back to him and it still does. We’ve fallen back into old life and I like the way we are.
We are a little more thoughtful of each other than before. There are more kind words. More “How are you?”s. More caring.
But still there is something little I am missing.
As the time goes on, more I’m getting used to it.
More I’m not feeling like I’m missing something and accepting this is how it will be and being truly ok with it.
Although when I see dresses and flowers and hairstyles. Romantic kisses and rings on fingers. Sometimes, sometimes – I get a pang of longing.
Tattoodaddy doesn’t want to get married.
There was a time when that would have been a dealbreaker. My parents have been married for 25 years this year. I was brought up in a family full of love who yes, fought (sometimes a lot) but they worked things out. They pushed through and here they are now.
He comes from a totally different scenario. And it’s no fault of his own (obviously) and I don’t blame his parents either. I can’t imagine his parents being together now as they just wouldn’t be happy. And an unhappy marriage is the worst thing for a child. His father has remarried and his mother has a wonderful partner.
But in saying that. His parents didn’t get married until he was 11. They are now divorced. Both sets of grandparents are divorced. He just has no faith in marriage. And he has no religious beliefs that compel him to put a ring on my finger and so, we will stay as we are.
Sometimes we talk about it. Make plans. He says “If it happens” or “maybe one day” and I can deal with that. If it happens, it will be amazing. If it doesn’t we have a wonderful relationship. With two beautiful children and I’m so grateful for that.
My biggest thing now, is changing the children’s last names. I want to hyphenate their name. If we were to get married, I would hyphenate my name. It’s something we used to argue a lot about, tattoodaddy and I. For people who have never really planned on getting married, we sure did argue a lot about what it would be and what would happen. He never wanted me to lose my name, because to him my name is a part of me, a part of the person he fell in love with. To me, him saying that just hurt. I didn’t understand what he meant. But after our break I do. And I do like who I am and I don’t want to change my name.
I would hyphenate it and so, I want to hyphenate the children’s names too.
This way, if we don’t get married, they have both of our last names – at the moment they only have tattoodaddy’s. And if we do get married one day, they’ll have the same as me.
It’s one of those things on the list to do when we have enough money to do it (the name change). One day it will happen.