So today has been fun.
The past week, I’ve been in hospital twice with palpitations.
It’s been recommended that I get a Holter Monitor to monitor my heart for a 24 hour period.
I’ve had the referral for the Psychologist since July, but the fact that I now need a Cardiologist has made me finally call her.
I thought I was managing my stress and anxiety fine by myself, occasionally I have moments (days) where nothing feels right and it feels as if anything could tip me into screaming and I just won’t stop, but they are (were) getting less and less.
But now… Finding out that stress and anxiety can make (what they are thinking is) my condition worse, I probably need to find ways to actually deal with it, not just bottle it all up.
Not to mention, I’ll need someone to talk to.
The kind of situation I’m in at the moment – I don’t know what the outcome will be. Best case, it’s nothing, I’m just more aware of the way my heart beats than most.
Worse case, I’ll need medication, or surgery or something and that will fix it. Worst case, I’m still not going to die – which is very nice.
But it doesn’t stop me from stressing.
It does not stop all the what-if’s.
And although I know my family will listen, I don’t really want to put them through that.
I’ll need someone to logically assess my irrational fears and put them to waste.
I’m relying on her to do that.
This has got me thinking.
Before if someone asked me “If you had cancer and were dying, would you tell your family?” my answer was Definitely. It’s their right now know.
And now, even though I’m not in a situation so terrifying, I can see why people wouldn’t tell their families.
Why would you want to worry them? Why would you want to see the fear in their eyes? Why would you want them to worry every time you don’t answer the phone?
I’m terrified of my test but I know it’s something I need to do either way.
Ironically all those adrenalin creating emotions just aggravate it.
You’ve probably noticed this isn’t a Monday Measure Up post.
I’m sorry. I’m still making an effort, but until my heart is sorted out I’m not going to overly exert myself, just in case