I feel like Christmas always has you thinking about how your year has gone.
You reflect on the things that have been amazing, the things that could have been better and the things that just plain didn’t happen for one reason or another.
Something I notice when I look back on this year is that my blogging is somewhat lacking.
There are people and blogs that when I started, I felt I was on the same page, we were beginning our journeys together. And although I am amazingly happy for them and wish them every success, I cannot help but reflect on what this says for me.
I don’t write enough content, attend enough events, comment on enough blogs, interact enough with my social network. This could all also be attributed to the fact I’ve never really had any goals for my blog. I just writing because I like it and to be completely honest, I enjoy talking about myself.
While I would never do these things out of obligation or duty, I do feel a certain sense of… necessity to do all these things.
Not so much to move my blog forward – although that would be nice – but to continue on the relationships I felt were developing through my blogs and my commenting on other blogs that I have let fall to the wayside.
There are people who I would have considered dear friends and now I feel that I would probably not rank above acquaintance.
This is not a feeling sorry for myself post. I have had a lot going on over the past year and I have needed to be selfish. I am not ashamed to admit it.
It is more a promise, to myself to get rid of the shit out of my reader I don’t enjoy reading, to comment on those that I care about, to interact and to make friends. And it is a promise to those who read and comment and love, and those I haven’t met yet – to keep being me and being true to me.
More and more I am feeling like I am not honest enough in my blogs. I never lie, but I feel like I hold back far too much, which I’m sure some people would think is insane. There are many things I don’t write about for fear of being judged, but I want to and I think I will be moving more toward that in the next year.
As soon as I figure out how to write about my sex life with my mother and mother-in-law reading…