I Am Terrified.


The other day, I got a text message from my gym, “Are you okay? You haven’t visited in a while. Do you need help?”
Which, I assume, is a nice way of saying: Hey! Stop being lazy and wasting all this money and actually come in.
You had to reply “help” if you wanted a free personal training session. I was like hey, those things are expensive and if I can get one for free…

So I text back “HELP”

And it’s is this morning.
And I am terrified.
I even went and bought some new pants. Because you know, if I look like I go to the gym, maybe I’ll be able to fool everyone that I’m okay with what I’m doing.

I am terrified of failing.
That I won’t be able to do it.
That my trainer will think I’m weak.
That I will see just how unfit I really am.
That somehow, I will do more damage to my stomach muscles which are just starting to come back together after two children.
That I will make a fool of myself.

And yes, I realise all of these are ridiculous and completely unfounded.
I will tell my trainer about my stomach, he might have a feel of the muscles if he needs to and then we will do the level according to what my body can cope with.
I am not weak, I am strong for taking the first step.
The trainer won’t be judging me, he will be helping me.

I know all the commonsense behind going to the gym.
Doesn’t stop me obsessing over it though.

IT saddens me, I used to love the pounding of my heart and the burning in my lungs that came from an all-out run.
Now, that scares me. Having blood pressure issues makes me scared.
And the irony is, if I exercised regularly, the blood pressure issues may very well go away.

I know it’s just a retraining my brain and the way I think.
Finding something I enjoy.
It’s doing it that’s the problem.

I’m not the only one right?

7 thoughts on “I Am Terrified.

  1. Well done on sharing how you’re feeling! As a personal trainer, I often have to encourage people to let go of this fear, as what you perceive as failure is a GOOD thing! Lifting until you can’t lift any more, or pushing your cardio until you can’t continue, means you are pushing the boundaries of your physical limits and mental comfort zone, and this is what MUST happen in order for your body to adapt and change the way that you want it to. In short, in the gym (and maybe life!) FAILURE + PERSISTENCE = RESULTS

  2. You got this! I’m so happy you are taking advantage of such a great opportunity.
    I know it’s scary and intimidating, but I think your trainer will really enjoy the challenge and appreciate the chance to help you feel better about yourself.
    Go in there and act like you own the place. My thoughts are with you 🙂

    • I went, and I kicked butt!
      I even did 10 minutes on the xtrainer when we were finished because we did mostly muscle work.
      Feel like I could conquer the world in a few weeks!

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