Recently, I have been tired.
I have been sick.
I have been just not fucking motivated to do a single thing.
The antibiotics combined with the cold that is hanging on, combined with one child getting all four molars at once and another who comes into my room minimum 3 – 4 times a night “Just for a cuddle” and then to be tucked back in has definitely taken it’s toll.
This mixed with the fact that I am a very competitive person and at the moment I am waiting for another competition to start – well I have just not been inspired at all.
Which saddens me.
I don’t like feeling this way.
I have gotten to the point where I feel not going to the gym is more detrimental than going will be. I haven’t been for nearly two weeks (well that’s a lie – I’ve been about 3 times). I miss it.
I miss the energy and the accomplishment.
I miss feeling inspired and inspiring others.
I asked a friend who has recently decided to completely change his life what motivates him. What keeps him going when he just doesn’t want to.
and his response had me in tears. He said:
“Meeting you has been quite the life changing experience, if your searching for motivation take a look in the mirror because you might see un motivated but I see strengths that I’ve never experienced before in my lifetime and that’s a rare gift you possess.”
And the interesting thing is, he inspires me. I know his determination and strength and he is such a beautiful person in my life that I feel blessed to have him as a friend and that I inspire him is an honour beyond words.
It made me realise that maybe I should stop looking to others for inspiration and motivation and start looking at how far I’ve come.
I used to take selfies constantly and shamelessly. I haven’t done that in about 3 weeks. I think I stopped seeing how far I’ve come in the haze of exhaustion and that definitely decreased my motivation.
Sure I’ve got a long way to go, but so does everyone. This story doesn’t end just around the corner.
And sure, others have gone further than me, but once again, this story is just started.
All I want to do with my life is be healthy, be happy, be a good role model and inspire others.
And apparently that’s exactly what I’m doing and that makes me so proud I could burst.
So to my amazing friend, thank you for your words when I most needed them. I don’t think you realise how much they mean to me and how flattered I am that you think so highly of me.
I am so proud of your journey so far and I can’t wait to see how far you can go. TD and I are lucky that you are our friend.