Just a Mother

This is how I feel a lot of the time.
I am not speaking badly about my job, please don’t think that.
Actually, if you read what I’m saying, you’ll realise that I must really love it.
The big boss had no problem with me having Dex in the office for a few hours on Friday afternoon as he is sick. And that was wonderful.

But sometimes, I feel like I’m just a mother.

For some reason, my childcare is almost my entire wage. And when i say almost my entire wage, I mean I get maybe $200 left over at the end of the fortnight thanks to a booboo in the system, that when I called and enquired about it, they told me it hadn’t been reassessed yet and ‘in all honestly, probably won’t this month because it’s tax time.”

My work, right now, I do purely because I enjoy helping people change their lives.
It has almost no financial gain for me at all.
When you account for my petrol to go to and from work and any coffees/lunches I might buy when I’ve forgotten/been too lazy to buy my own, I’m at about nothing. 76 hours a week for petrol and coffee.

I work with three males in my office. Three males with no family commitments like mine. I do not hold this against them, they are lovely people. However when I have mentioned the childcare I have received “Oh well, you might get half of it back” or “Well, you’ll get a tax return…”
Perhaps I need to put it in perspective. If they were paying their entire wage in petrol and coffee, they would either not work, find a new job, or a new petrol company.

I am hurt because I really wanted to do a Thump Box class at the end of the week, one that would be really beneficial to my personal training when that finally happens. And I can’t do it.
I simply cannot afford it.
I know that I will be asked how I am tracking, if I am tracking toward my goals, I can have the time off to do the course (it is to be held at my work) and I will have to say don’t bother, I can’t do it. My entire wage goes to my childcare.

I’m not going to lie.
I am a little disheartened.
I’m spending 76 hours away from my children a fortnight, to pay to be away from my children. And I don’t hold it against my daycare centre, they’ve been nothing short of wonderful. And I don’t hold it against my job.

I just…
Why is it so hard to be a woman back at work with younger children?
I’m not a woman back at work with older children yet, but from the way this is going, I am assuming that will be just as hard and it’s all a little bit sad.

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3 thoughts on “Just a Mother

  1. I know EXACTLY how you feel. I’ve worked at Woolies for almost 10 years, and my availability BEFORE having a child was 24/7 and I was never fussed when I worked.
    This changed when I started back after having Jhett, and I was happy working part time.
    But I started full time hours in March this year under an (unofficial) Management traineeship as 2IC in the deli. As of the new financial year, I’m now paying $200 a week for one child in fulltime care.
    Unfortunately I’ve had to tell my bosses that I can’t commit to the full time hours anymore because of the cost of daycare (and I don’t like the pressure of HAVING to be at work when the deli manager is off). It sux big time.

  2. I can’t say I know how you feel because I haven’t worked full time since I was child-free, but I remember how much effort it was to do a good job at home and at work then, and know I’d really REALLY struggle doing it with kids.
    These days I do some work, and some study, but at a pace I choose. I’ve knocked back some freelance jobs because they weren’t worth my while. I consider myself very lucky that I can achieve that balance – because it’s effing hard to find!

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