No One Else To Blame

haI feel like shit.
That hamster is me.
Actually, that hamster might have more self control because it’s said only one more.

I have eaten SO terribly over the last month.
I have hardly gone to the gym.
I really have no one to blame but myself.

It’s a fucking viscous cycle. You eat shit so you feel tired and lethargic so you don’t go to the gym so you have even less energy so you can’t be bothered to cook so you eat shit. And on it goes.

I have given myself until the 1st October to eat whatever the fuck I want. And I have to say, I’m not enjoying it.
I feel terrible.
I’m so tired.
I’m not sleeping as well.
My anxiety is coming back.
I don’t feel as confident in myself anymore and it has nothing to do with the way I look and everything to do with the way I feel.

I can’t wait to feel myself push my limits again.
I can’t wait to feel like I respect myself again.

And I know you’re probably thinking “Well why are you waiting? Just fucking go! Just eat a fucking salad!”
I thought that too. But the first is significant because a) it’s the start of a new month – duh. b) It’s a daycare day c) It’s the day I meet a new person and d)

It’s the day tattoodaddy starts his new job.

Bring on October!

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3 thoughts on “No One Else To Blame

  1. BREAK THE CYCLE! I was exactly where you were like a month ago and it absolutely sucks to be there. But I kept reminding myself the whole 4 weeks for you to notice, 8 weeks for friends to notice, and 12 weeks for everyone to notice; somehow breaking it down works on me. Focus on small or weekly goals, though I know it’s so much easier said than done. Best of luck!

    • Thanks Katy 🙂
      I know – I’ve broken the cycle before and fortunately, my eating shit now has got nothing on what it was before simply because I am disgusted by the things I used to eat – I can’t bring myself to eat Macdonalds, KFC etc and we’ve still got only wholemeal in the house, it’s mostly just the lollies and icecream that have snuck back in 😉

      Can’t wait to kickstart it all tomorrow though – did so much food prep yesterday!

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