It is so easy to forget to look after you sometimes.
Things get in the way, plans get laid to the side for when you’ve got more time, more money, less work, less chores, less stress, less debt, less problems.
It is in my experience that these things rarely just disappear. Time doesn’t just happen. Money doesn’t just happen (unless you have a really rich uncle or something and are expecting an inheritance, in which case heelllllllooooo you). Chores never.fucking.stop.
So why would you expect them too, to be able to put yourself first?
For me, it’s looking after myself and my course.
Somehow I’ve allowed myself to slip back into old habits. Easy snacks and not having the “time” to look after myself.
To be honest, telling myself I don’t have the time is why I don’t have the time. When I made time to do what I needed to do, everything was organised and I knew what was going on. Now I just run around feeling stressed and cranky because I’m not getting anything done in an appropriate time frame and so I miss out doing things I want to do.
The other thing I have noticed is that I am getting nervous about going back to the gym. What if people think I’ve gotten fat? What if I’m not as strong or as fit as I was before?
Mostly, I’m cranky at myself for letting myself down. I had something that was so important to me and I let it slide to the wayside.
How can I teach my children to follow their heart and do what they believe is most important if I don’t do the same?
How can I fully look after them if I’m not looking after me?
How can I feel completely well if I’m not only exercising properly, but having time away from everything to destress and just be?
I miss having my personal trainer – Superman has moved on to bigger and better things in a new town and I miss him a lot. I miss him believing in me. Not that he doesn’t now but it’s a lot different to hearing it twice a week.
I’m not in the position to afford one right now so I’m going to have to be the one who pushes myself.
I miss it. I miss the burn and the ache and the rush.
I need to look after me.