I Don’t Want To.

My Nanna’s funeral is on Wednesday.
Tomorrow we make the trip to Sydney.
She is being buried between my little brother and her sister. Her parents and another sister are just above.
My Grandad a few rows away.

I don’t want to do this.
It’s all not fair.
And I know I’m not the only one – hell my whole family is in this with me but I just want another day with all of them.

I want them to know my kids and I want my kids to know them.
I want them to see how serious Great Grandad looked but the twinkle in his eye that said he was joking. I want them to hear my Grandnanna tell one of her jokes. I want them to sit on their Aunties’ knees. I want my Grandad to take them for a ride in his wheelchair and then sneak them smarties like he did for us. I want my Nanna to show them how to float in the ocean.
I want them to be able to hug their uncle.

It’s all just so fucking shit.

I kept putting off taking the kids to Sydney because it’s a long drive and time and we only have one car and TD has to work and all that other shit and now I can’t.
We were going down for her 70th birthday this weekend.
Instead, we have a funeral.

Fuck you, life.

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2 thoughts on “I Don’t Want To.

  1. She was such a great woman. I am glad I am close enough to be able to be there but so sad that I won’t be seeing her alive. It is so sucky!

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